Day 25: Turmoil

Oh, how I will miss Thee;

will I blame Your silence?

or will I realize it is me

in the darkness, hiding?

 

Will I scream and cry

to hear Your voice;

will I long for reassurance,

and let withdrawal stain choice?

 

Dear Lord, remind me:

It is You I desire

in all of my strife;

my weakness, Your strength

my doubt, Your light.

 

Fill me when I hunger;

drown me in my thirst;

when I receive my last breath,

let it speak of the One I serve.

 

Silence will submerge

my fearful chest;

the burden of whispers

can offer me no rest.

 

I suffer among freedom

gifted to one;

try and try, I fail

to rise above the soon done.

 

Dear, Lord comfort me:

It is you I desire

in all of my strife;

my weakness, Your strength

my doubt, Your light.

 

Fill me when I hunger;

drown me in my thirst;

when I receive my last breath,

let it speak of the One I serve.

 

Trust has left me

and wandered alone;

what remains is a heart

that sinks like stone.

 

So I ask one thing

although I’m not worthy,

remind me of this chorus

as I'm left to dwell earthly.

 

It is you I will desire

in all the coming strife;

my weakness, Your strength

my doubt, Your light.

 

Please, fill me when I hunger;

drown me in my thirst,

and when I receive my last breath,

Lord, it will speak of the One I serve.

 

Before you begin your day:

Turmoil clamps down and chokes unrest. Jesus begins to whisper: you will betray me; you will doubt me; you will not believe.

 

What do you say? Can you imagine the Disciples reaction? Would you beg and plead with Him? Would you justify and defend? Would you bow your head, saying I'm sorry; help me to be better?

 

Have you ever had someone confront you about an incident that hurt them? An episode in which you played an unexpected part? How did this confrontation affect you? What did you say? Did you defend? Did you apologize? Did you try and understand your role in the drama so you might act differently next time? 

 

What if they told you, "You are so kind to admit wrongdoing. It does provide healing, yet you will do this again." Gut-wrenching.

 

The Disciples - us - are not only hearing we must trust the Lord to guide us along this uncertain journey. We are now hearing we won't. Moreover, we will deny His guidance, abandoning all established trust.  

 

Have you felt betrayed? Doubted? Denied? Have you suffered from unfaithfulness? Disbelief? Have you dismissed the Lord's whisper? Chose a verse from the poem above to describe how you felt? What you notice now? What the Disciples endured? Wherever you find a connection - rest there. Listen. Can you hear the Lord's whisper? 

 

It is to you I dedicate

all My coming strife;

My weakness, your strength

My doubt, your light.

 

For your sin , I gladly hunger;

to ease your pain, I forever thirst,

as I receive My last earthly breath,

your name I whisper  -

to whom I give My life for.

 

During your day:

Make the heart of the people sluggish;
make their ears dull
and close their eyes.
So they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed.”

(Isaiah 6: 10)

 

John 12: 36-37; John 13: 12; John 13: 21-22; John 13: 36-38  

 

Throughout your day:

INHALE: I trust.

EXHALE: You guide.

(repeat as many times as needed)

 

Before you end your day:

Dear Lord, remind me:

It is You I desire

in all of my strife;

my weakness, Your strength

my doubt, Your light.

 

Fill me when I hunger;

drown me in my thirst;

when I receive my last breath,

let it speak of the One I serve.

Amen.​

 

Goodnight; sleep well; know you are blessed.

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